Tales Of The Unsettled (The Big Issue Cymru)
Kelly SalterOctober 15, 2007
Graham Walker says he’s always been homeless, one way or another. His new book, Unsettled, offers a remarkable, articulate insight into the complicated life of a Big Issue vendor. Kelly Salter takes him to the local café – and finds herself charmed
When strolling down a busy city street with Graham Walker you have to be prepared to stop a lot. Graham is asked to ‘come back for a cuppa and a catch-up’ several times by passing friends.
Tanned with stocky build and a wide smile, Graham is to be found on this lovely Friday morning in a casual sweater and jeans. He could be accountant on his day off or someone’s dad. In fact he is someone’s dad, but he’s also a Big Issue vendor, columnist and author. And there’s also the prolific fundraising (more on that later). His new autobiography, Unsettled is the topic du jour.
An epic tale of redemption, the book reveals a childhood where surviving his father’s violence and his mother’s neglect earned Graham and his three siblings time in a care system which continued the abuse with an appalling dedication. Before he was removed, Graham avoided inviting friend over to a home which was so filthy with dog faeces that council workers refused to enter. Tucked away (not too hidden, though – a friend still manages to find him) in the back of a small café, Graham recounts the story which inspired his him to write. Quick to laugh, and talking in a rapid Bristolian burr, he is good company, although his revelations don’t make easy listening.
“It doesn’t upset me as an adult,” he says of what he describes as a dysfunctional, manic childhood. “But I feel upset for the child that I was. I am not in any way sorry for myself. My sister has always been the strong one and the most aggressive out of all of us. My brother has struggled, and still has counselling for what he went through. We muddle through.” His older brother, Geoff, his “absolute soul mate” died in a road accident when Graham 17. The impact of his childhood led Graham down a path less travelled, through a brief army career, marriage, fatherhood, and homelessness. The latter was achieved by walking out of his flat aged 35 (‘a lifetime’s burden lifted’, as he describes it in Unsettled) and on to the streets where he slept rough, and in hostels for six years before he sold The Big Issue. Although challenging, being a vendor has acted as a salve, says Graham. “I feel The Big Issue has been my counselling. If I am feeling on a downer, an hour on my pitch meeting some nice people really brings me out of it. It’s like being on a stage with an audience – you get good and bad audiences. When the stage fright goes, I am alright.”
He believes the physicality of being homeless matched what he had felt for years.
“It is easier to be invisibly homeless – I could drink and live in a park where no one is going to see me and put me down – selling the Issue gives people the opportunity to condemn.”
Graham, now 52, speaks a lot about condemnation – perhaps because as a vendor he’s experienced more than his fair share. As many Big Issue vendors can confirm, members of the public often growl, ‘get a job’ at them when walking past, even though they are earning a legitimate income. He has, however, happily changed prejudices through his enthusiasm for fundraising, which has raised more than £15,000 for charity and earned him hundreds of firm friends throughout the south west. On seeing Graham standing on his pitch decked out in top hat and tails, many residents have been unable to cling on to their preconceptions of how a homeless person should look, talk, or act.
“Challenging people’s perceptions is a perk of the job,” he says with a grin. “When I got to thinking I could be doing this for the rest of my life, I thought I have to make more of this. That’s why I do the fundraising. It gives me a more organic experience.”
Unsettled grew from weekly columns in The Big Issue South West, which in turn evolved from one-page inserts about his life he started slipping inside his magazines. They proved popular, and when an illustrator friend, Pete The Brush, suggested he turn them into a book, Graham rose to the challenge, and found others did too. With the initial printing costs at a formidable £2,000, a local printer was willing to loan Graham the money.
Within a week the book’s success earned Graham £3,000, and he was able to pay back the printer and donate the excess to various charities after paying his own costs. “People were buying it for other people who would not buy a Big Issue – the most powerful thing is that the book would reach people who would condemn people like me.”
He has just released a new, longer version of Unsettled, which offers more of the searingly honest, comic prose which Graham’s readers have long been fond of.
His success with these ventures has made people question why he continues to sell the Issue. “A lot of people think I should have sorted myself out by now, but because I have lived such an itinerant lifestyle since I was very young, that’s what I know. The Big Issue has given me a certainty about my future that I could get to grips with – 11 years later I am quite proud of what I have achieved. If I died tomorrow, I know I’ve lived a fulfilled life.”
But the story doesn’t end here. After each fundraising stint, Graham will start all over again, moving to a new town and temporarily cutting contact with friends. “It’s like I have achieve a kind of perfection,” he explains. “I have all this goodwill and trust – it’s as good as it gets. I’m not good at long-term relationships, and feel if I stay any longer it’ll be like tarnishing the experience. Also, I am always the Big Issue man, so sometimes it can be a relief to get away and become anonymous for a while.” It’s a pattern Graham has followed for over a decade, living in a van and working all over the south west.
But there is one relationship which falls out of this model, and it’s with his two children, Andrew and Leanne. “I have a long distance relationship with them now. My son respects what I do, and if I am honest, he’s proud.” He is positive that walking out all those years ago was best option: “My parenting skills were nil, I had no self esteem, no confidence, it would have been easier to carry on, but becoming homeless was the best thing I could have done for my children. I took myself out of the loop.” He believes that the pattern of harmful parenting passed down to him will not be repeated.
“I have moments where I find life difficult,” admits Graham. “But I have accepted that it will never be the easiest of rides. I have moments of despair, but they are short lived.”
“It is for people to understand – and not sympathise, why I am in the position I am,” he says of Unsettled. Sympathy isn’t a sentiment Graham wants. Likewise, he avoids playing the blame game.
“I don’t hate them,” he says of his parents who are now both dead. “But I don’t blame them either, because how can you blame someone who lived with the same legacy of a crap childhood themselves? They were doing what they knew. What do you do? Go through your family tree and work out who to blame? The negative stuff is too debilitating.” And then he’s off to get one of those cuppas.
By Kelly Salter
Unsettled is out now on Tangent books, at £7.99
Reprinted from The Big Issue Cymru
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Graham Walker: Photo by Kelly Salter
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